An insecure child
Uncertainty – where it comes from
Its signs can be seen at any age, in adults and children. This is the fear of taking any action because of doubts about their abilities, abilities, knowledge, and abilities.
Most often, this is an acquired quality that appears as a result of an unsuccessful experience, a memorable defeat, or pain. It can also be a consequence of the child’s upbringing.
When and why does uncertainty appear?
Often this quality appears in adolescence, less often-in young children.
The causes of children’s insecurity are usually parents.
Statements about the child: “you can’t do it”, “You did something wrong again”, lack of support from them.
Self-esteem is also affected by the” decreasing significance ” of the child’s needs. He asks for something, the parents ignore the needs or say that it is not important and no one needs it.
The emphasis on failures, and ignoring victories and successes-it is necessary to scold, but you can forget to praise and take it as “a matter of course»
Adults often lack tact, and they can easily humiliate him in front of everyone. Moreover, the indignity is an impolite remark to the child. This is important to remember.
Teenagers are able to separate themselves from other people, independently assess their abilities. The result of this may be dissatisfaction with their appearance, physical data, social status of parents, and other points.
If a teenager seems overly confident, this is not always the case. People around him perceive him as arrogant. If such a person is alone, then, most likely, self-confidence is an armor, a fortress. This is how he protects himself from others, wants to appear strong, but is not.
Confident child-what is it?
This is the basis of success in life. The opportunity to develop and experiment, to be yourself and not be afraid of difficulties.
Qualities characteristic of self-confident children
Ability to be a leader.
Or not to be, and feel happy. In fact, not every child has leadership skills. Imagine what our society would become if every member were a leader. But everyone needs to understand their place in the team, feel their own importance and value.
Ability to accept criticism normally.
Did you do something wrong and they corrected you, pointed out a mistake? Take a look at your child’s reaction.
You didn’t become “bad” if you made a mistake.
A confident person, of course, can be upset, but will understand that it is now about the situation, the act. But not about him.
Can protect yourself and others.
Does the child feel unfairness towards themselves and others? If he is confident in his abilities, he will pay attention to this, and will make efforts to change the situation.
Artistry and spontaneity.
He easily expresses himself, laughs and cries, shows emotions and knows that this is normal.
Signs that the child grew up insecure:
Secretive and self-contained
He rarely tells what is happening to him, does not like to answer questions about his mood and feelings.
He doesn’t communicate much
Of course, unsociability can be just a character trait, and not all people like to communicate a lot. But it is worth paying attention to the fact that the child likes to be alone more than in society.
Something is needed, and he is afraid to say about his need, suffers inconvenience and waits until everything is resolved, of course.
Imitates a confident friend
For children, imitation is typical, however, if you notice in the child that he does it blindly and with no criticism. He just sees a confident child and wants to be “like him”.
It is difficult for him to establish contact with strangers
Asking for directions, and just talking to new people is a problem for insecure children.
Self-esteem is low
It always seems to him that he will not succeed, and if he was lucky, he does not enjoy the victory to the full extent, and thinks that it was just lucky for him.
The stubbornness and lethargy
These qualities in a child are associated with a fear of the new. It is difficult for him to adapt to new situations, such children tend to stay in a familiar and familiar environment.
5 tips for parents from teenagers – how to raise confidence in a child
Have you noticed that after an argument with you, the child runs to his room in tears? Do you use the method: make him angry by pointing out his shortcomings, thinking that after that he will strive to become better? If so, you should understand that in this way you do not bring up anything in the child, but just traumatize the psyche and form complexes in him!
Love it for what it is and help it become better. Notice all the flaws in the child and point them out, call him fat, stupid, ugly. If you notice skin problems, go with him to a cosmetologist and get a recipe for how to get rid of acne. Visit the dentist and solve the problem with your teeth. Let the stylist help you choose the right haircut. Believe me, the child will be very grateful to you for helping him become better, and do not point out the shortcomings.
You will be fair and true. Don’t tell your child that they are the most beautiful or the smartest. This method leads to arrogance, which is not very popular in companies, and when such a teenager meets a competitor-also beautiful and smart – he does not know how to cope with it. And he can do anything to prove his superiority. And if it doesn’t work out, then he will feel the most “bad” and unhappy.
Don’t compare your child with others! First, there is a dislike for the person with whom you are constantly compared. Second, there is absolutely no desire to be like him or become better. I want to do the opposite.
Share your problems. So he will understand that life is not an eternal holiday. He will learn to adequately perceive success and failure, based on your experience.
Don’t scold for mistakes. Show that it’s OK to make mistakes. The fear of making a mistake only leads to a loss of self-confidence and a lack of desire to act.
Interview with an insecure teenager and a psychologist’s comment
Here is a small story-interview, girls 15 years.
What is your feeling of self-doubt?
I have complexes, for example, sometimes I feel worse than others. I worry that I will not be able to succeed in what others have a victory in.
Do you think it’s your parents ‘ fault that you don’t believe in yourself?
Probably, Yes. My parents are perfectionists. When they point out my shortcomings, I get angry. I guess they think they’re helping me out. But, in fact, they only make things worse. I’m getting discouraged, I don’t want to do anything. I have noticed that praise works well for me. When my parents are proud of my success, they tell their friends about it. Then I’m ready to climb out of my skin to be even better. I want to prove to everyone what I can do if they believe in me.
When did you feel like you didn’t believe in yourself?
I don’t know when… Probably at school because of learning difficulties. And also because of the transition age, that is, in adolescence. When you notice how your appearance changes and you don’t like it. Also because of the exams, because you don’t think you can do it. The exam begins, and in my head: “well, I will not succeed! I wish it would all be over soon.”
What calms you, helps you?
I like to look at the sky and watch planes. Still take pictures of flowers and create beautiful pictures. Sometimes it helps to communicate with friends and relatives who understand you.
Are you envious of your peers? How do you feel about those who are better than you?
I’m trying first and foremost to look at those who are better than me, from the point of view in order to understand what I’m missing. I try to improve myself. There is envy, in a sense, but I will never do anything wrong. If others have what I don’t have, I make up for it in myself and so strive to achieve my ideal.
Do you suffer from depression?
No. I’m in control. I try to improve myself!
Thank you for the interview!
It is clear that the girl has raised the bar too much. She feels that any of her efforts, what she is trying to do, will not be appreciated. She “can’t” make mistakes, do bad things. As a result, I don’t want to do anything. She should learn to make mistakes, not be afraid of it. Lower the bar, enjoy the results that she gets. This effect is not as easy to achieve as it seems. Because parents should also participate in the process. Without their support, it is difficult for a teenager to change.
10 ways to develop a child’s confidence
Find a hobby in which the child will be successful. After all, a hobby is what makes us unique! He sings well, runs fast, dances well, or draws-pick a case to your liking! Or, for example, someone can boast of a collection of one hundred and fifty cars, or a collection that contains two hundred red lipstick shades? Maybe
Help them love themselves, see their virtues. Talk about what he learns, praise for the work. Focus on your strengths.
Discuss the mistakes and don’t give them a fatal meaning. Even 2-ka on the exam, or control – not the end of the world! Believe me, it is much more prose to correct an assessment than to restore the child’s self-confidence.
Encourage experimentation – if there is something the child wants to change, even in their appearance, you can help. Why not get a new haircut, choose a new style of clothing? Parents ‘ help in this case is appreciated! And the relationship with the child will become better, and self-confidence will grow. By the way, there are specialists who can help a teenager choose a new style. You can suggest that the girl attend courses on creating an image.
Write your child a letter in which friends and relatives will list everything they like in it and give this envelope as a gift.
Create a success diary for the student, in which the child can celebrate their good luck, and fill it out together. Teach him to set goals and achieve them.