The psychology of adolescents 13 years of age
At 13, adolescence is in full swing. The body and attitude to it changes, active separation from parents begins, in the language of psychology, “separation”. Many past beliefs have been destroyed, and now it’s time to find and establish new ones. A 13-year-old teenager opens up a huge number of realizations, conflicts and ways to cope with them.
Strange, but often it is at thirteen that the most serious and improbable things happen.
What happens to a child at the age of 13: age features
Thirteen years is an explosion for a teenager. It is as if at 11 years old he was approaching a cliff, at 12 he fell off it, and at 13 he is already flying down at breakneck speed. Parents at this point, with or without the help of a psychologist, as well as older friends, can become a parachute. Or at least a pillow, which will not be so terrible to fall on.
At the age of 13, there is an increased emotionality and short temper, the world of feelings of the child becomes black and white. This is due to a hormonal surge, which largely determines the psychology of a 13-year-old teenager. But there are other factors. Peer assessment is extremely important for a teenager, more important than the assessment of parents. Often, most of the behavior of boys and girls depends on it.
Some are afraid to stand out, while others, on the contrary, are afraid to become a “gray mass”.
Becoming an outcast for a teenager is very painful, a role in the community is extremely important, but the place is often already found in this. If the child is experiencing separation from the society of peers, support from the family is important.
If the child feels uncomfortable among peers, it is worth helping him expand the contingent of communication and choose a “new company”. Often, a safe environment where you can find new friends is adolescent training.
A teenager at 13 partially separated from his parents, he is learning to be independent and independent. Contact with parents can be lost and their authority shaken. The growing up person, if possible, makes decisions about his life, closes himself and “forgets” what the “ancestors” think. It forms its own system of values and views on how to deal with a particular situation.
This does not mean that the child has ceased to love their parents, such behavior is only a way of self – affirmation, an attempt to learn to make decisions. It is necessary to calmly and respectfully treat this need to avoid unnecessary conflicts in the family.
Dreams of financial independence appear. Therefore, teenagers at the age of 13-14 begin to earn money. Parents should not forbid this, and if possible help teenagers in this hobby. After all, it is easier for adults to navigate the labor market, and they know more opportunities.
A good way to help is to advise a teenager to take courses in financial literacy. Now is the time – all the information is interesting and useful, the student will be able to immediately apply the knowledge and earn their first money.
Self-esteem plays a big role in a teenager’s life. In most cases, it becomes unreasonably low. With this comes uncertainty and anxiety. It is worth working to ensure that the child adequately assesses himself – you need to help him see his strengths, teach him to praise himself for his own success and draw conclusions from failures.
Raising a child at the age of 13 — what to pay attention to
Striving to become an adult
A 13-year-old teenager is driven by a desire to grow up so that the world sees him differently. Therefore, parents should respect his opinion and his words. Phrases like “you’re too young to understand this” or “you don’t understand anything yet” are very offensive to a schoolchild.
Think of him as a real, understanding person with his own vision of the world and strong emotions.
If you neglect what a teenager says, the child-parent relationship will deteriorate, as well as the emotional state of both parties.
A 13-year-old teenager may need the help of a psychologist. As it was said earlier, you can not devalue the feelings of a teenager. But the problem is that sometimes the storm of emotions is too strong, everything is “tangled up in a ball” and it is difficult to understand the world and your own state. Of course, this is a “special age” and “everything will pass”. But it is still dangerous to leave the child to deal with psychological problems himself. This is important, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you. The phrase “don’t be sad” is not enough. At all.
Your actions have consequences
We must remember that the psychology of a teenager is very sensitive. Everything you say and do will affect his behavior now and in adult life.
Parental overprotection, restriction of independence can lead to the fact that the teenager will grow up unable to cope with even minor problems of adult life. Or on the contrary, it will separate from the family too quickly and will do everything “in spite of”.
Increased concentration on a teenager’s studies and grades can lead to the development of anxiety. He will be haunted by thoughts that he is not doing “enough”.
One of the factors of the adolescent crisis is reduced academic performance – after all, relationships with peers and asserting one’s own position in society are now in the foreground.
Avoid psychological, and even more so physical violence! Think about what you are saying to your child, even if you think these words are correct and necessary. It is unacceptable to put pressure on it and use different methods of manipulation. All decisions, conversations, should be honest, it is important to educate the child’s ability to conduct a dialogue, defend their point of view and respect the interlocutor. Without a parent’s example and healthy communication in the family-no way.
How parents can help their child
Listen to your child
A teenager needs to be listened to. This lets him know that he is important and his words are as valuable as the words of adults. There is a technique of “active listening” that helps parents and children understand their feelings, trust and appreciate each other’s emotions more. This technique is described in more detail in Julia Gippenreiter’s book “the Wonders of active listening”.
Give the teen time
No one can grow up and understand themselves in one moment. Take into account that it grows gradually, that an extremely emotional and rejecting teenager is not a permanent condition of a person. In practice, this awareness often helps resolve quarrels and scandals.
Shouting and condemning a child for “bad behavior” is not effective.
In order to resolve a conflict issue, both a parent and a teenager need to “cool down”, be silent and understand what is happening. After that, a comfortable dialogue is possible on equal terms, without aggression.
Accept his new Hobbies and qualities
Many 13-year-olds feel annoyed and somewhat disappointed because parents reject the new and important things that students find. It can be a new community, a new “strange” hobby, clothing style, music – anything.
Devaluation of interests is simply terrible. It undermines trust and the desire to share important and valuable moments.
A person at any age has the right to their own interests and manifestations of personality. You, too, were once 13, and in those years you probably listened to new music and were interested in something unacceptable for your parents. And this is normal. Try to understand and accept what your children are starting to do, it can be interesting and enjoyable even for you.
You don’t have to impose your help, you don’t have to run with a hug every time a teenager is in a bad mood. You must sometimes Express your willingness to help without judgment, no matter what happens.
Make it clear that you are here, that you can come to you, that you are ready to be a safety bag.
At the same time, you need an atmosphere of trust in which you can tell absolutely any story, and help will not turn into disappointed words and quarrels. You can also talk about the feelings of parents, but not for the purpose of manipulation like “I told you something forbidden, now you have to do the same.” Being around is always much easier and more useful than imposing yourself with help.
Girls and boys 13 years old
“Gender socialization” is very effective. Only now it does not come from the family and from their peers. There are new rules and regulations. Many of them are based on coolness and acceptance in the community, and yet they are rational-absolutely not justified.
From girls, society “expects” a passion for makeup and weight loss, a desire to fall in love and enter into a relationship. From boys-seriousness and what is called “toxic masculinity” — ” be an aggressive man, che you like a girl!»
When these “rules” go too far, you may need the help of significant adults.
Boys often refuse to Express emotions because of pressure from their father or boy friends who say that “men don’t cry”. They can laugh and judge a guy who shows a normal wave of emotions.
A frequent result is withdrawal into oneself, experiencing feelings inside, and this has nothing to do with mental or even physical health.
The boys tend to adopt a “social status”. And those who do not fall into the “cool” group can experience huge stress, and this also requires help from parents — accepting and explaining that they have a right to their opinion, not necessarily to be a leader or part of this particular company. You may need to help him find another society that is more suited to your son’s interests.
Growing up girls strive to meet the “standards of beauty”. Society says what she should look like to be beautiful, how to behave and what to do.
There is a risk of developing eating disorders, which is important to notice in time and help. It is worth explaining that they have the right not to meet the standards of beauty, can do what they want, and look as they want, and not as “fashionable”.