Conflicts of adolescents
Adolescence is a difficult time for both the parent and the child. Conflicts between parents and teenagers are not infrequently reflected in all further relationships. In this article, we will look at the main types of conflicts and ways to solve them.
What are the main conflicts that arise in adolescence?
Between teenagers and parents
Conflict of unstable parental perception
The child is no longer small,but not an adult. The specifics of this conflict are the same. In some ways, your teen can remain a child: untidy, restless, unrestrained, and in some ways present themselves as an adult, criticize, demand that they be respected.
And here the parent needs to understand this in time and, having calmed his internal dissatisfaction, rise above this situation, evaluate the situation from an objective point of view.
The dictatorship of parents
In simple words: it is a way of controlling when some family members are suppressed by others. This is manifested in the suppression of independence, self-esteem, in the invasion of parents in the personal space of their child.
In a family that respects the personal boundaries of everyone, the appearance of conflicts between parents and children is much less frequent, they are almost absent.
Yes, parents can and should show their demands to the child, but only if this is combined with trust and respect.
To define the boundaries, enter the rules:
do not enter each other’s room without knocking or in the absence of the owner
do not touch personal items
don’t eavesdrop on phone conversations
leave the teen the right to choose friends, clothing, music, and so on.
Be sincere. If you are upset, then explain how you feel, but without mentioning old misdeeds. Without pressure and without humiliation, tell the teenager about the situation that is happening at the moment.
Parents are proud to observe neutrality in the house, thinking that such an environment fosters independence and freedom. In fact, there are no parents or family in General for the child. Everyone has their own problems and if there are any difficulties with any of the relatives, the teenager will not experience anything. Because the house is neutral: everyone is for themselves. The same can be said when parents allow a teenager to do whatever he wants. The absence of restrictions, duties, moral duty, and the simplest rules of communication form a person who is not able to hit the brakes in time. Set the boundaries of what is acceptable, take an interest in the life of a teenager (but not getting into his personal space). Connect it to participate in the life of a family: create a home Council meeting, which discussed a family.
Conflict of custody
Children who are excluded from solving issues related to their family and their personal life become passive and submissive. Excessive guardianship prevents the formation of an independent personality: people who are not able to cope with their difficulties without the help of their parents enter adulthood.
Sometimes an overprotected child turns into a “little dictator”. Forces fulfill their parents all their desires. As a rule, such cases occur in families where the appearance of the baby was expected as “the last hope for happiness”. But the behavior of a teenager in the family as a “despot” is quite rare. As a rule, this is an obedient child who does not cause much trouble in childhood; and only in the adolescent period, he “breaks off the chain” and “rebels” against adults. Depending on individual characteristics, this may look like cold politeness, or as an active rebuff.
Observe the control without which parenting is not possible, but keep custody to a minimum. Parents ‘ help is great when a teenager solves their own problem.
Conflict of parental authority
Parents in such families, not noticing the success of children, punish them with disrespect for any failure. They conduct educational conversations with them, without giving them a chance to Express their point of view. They constantly demand perfection, saying: “but I’m your age…”. This leads to two types of conflicts:
The child of such parents begins to feel powerless, while it is covered with resentment and rage. On rudeness-rudeness, on Schadenfreude-Schadenfreude. If the parents have an accident, the children will not sympathize, they will pay the same coin.
Be more tolerant, try to restore trust and respect for your teen. Find and develop in him the virtues that are inherent in his nature. Instead of being humiliated, give support. Assure the child that he will never lose the love of his parents, that you are proud of his qualities that are lacking in you. Remember, it is also difficult for him.
Another conflict between a teenager and his parents: when the child is at an early stage of development and his trust or distrust of the world is laid. If pain and alienation were experienced in infancy, distrust remains. It shows isolation, unsociability, self-doubt. Due to the fact that few adults have access to the soul of such a child, it can be very difficult to negotiate with him.
These types of conflicts are manifested in the adolescent by falling from one extreme to the other. New interests and social circle, abrupt change of habits (manner of speaking, facial expressions, gestures, behavior).
Children who are used to trust their parents will be friendly and sociable with other adults, and they will be able to negotiate with them. If parents do not exert excessive pressure, maintain friendly relations, the conflict is usually smoothed out, does not cause the teenager unnecessary emotions and the desire to do everything contrary.
Conflicts of adolescents among their peers
Competition, struggle for status in the group
In the transition age, it is important for a teenager not just to communicate, but also to have a status in the group that will satisfy him. To be a leader ,the “soul of the company”, the first beauty, etc.The higher the growing child evaluates their capabilities and talents, the higher the status they claim. If several people in a group are applying for the same role, the conflict of interests develops into a conflict between individuals. Further events develop depending on the upbringing, aggressiveness, family environment and temperament of the participants.
According to psychologists, the path to leadership involves demonstrating superiority and ruthlessness. This is especially evident in the adolescent environment: the child is much more susceptible than an adult to inciting conflicts, the temptation of gregariousness, cruelty and humiliation of their own kind.
Most often, strong personalities compete. The fight may be for:
Attention persons of the opposite sex
The location of the teachers or heads of sections
For the status in the company
Competition, as a rule, has a positive effect on the formation of personality. Psychologists do not recommend that parents of teenagers interfere in relationships between peers.
A teenager consciously opposes himself to his peers
A teenager refers to any subculture-goth, emo, punks, roller skaters
Significant divergence of interests
The parent’s task is to explain that it is necessary to demonstrate their point of view without hostility and with respect. It is good if the teenager will be able to communicate more with like-minded people.
A teenager becomes the target of bullying
The victims are quiet, calm teenagers who can’t stand up for themselves and fight back against the offender. The reasons for bullying can be different. Most often bullying is associated with the child’s dissimilarity from others:
Belonging to another race
Features appearance – red hair, droopy ears
Features of development-low or high growth, thinness, fullness, early puberty in girls
Unusual Hobbies are playing on the ancient musical instruments
Family situation – incomplete family, adopted child
Social status-children from low-income families
Lagging behind or excellent academic performance
Conflict is often accompanied by physical violence and has no easy solution. A parent needs to teach a teenager to stand up for themselves – to increase their self-confidence, help them learn self-defense skills. The problem disappears if the abuser gets a decent rebuff, switches their attention to another object, or leaves the group. In practice, conversations and punishments against the aggressor have the opposite effect. If the conflict situation is prolonged, parents are recommended to transfer the child to another team.
Love and communication between the sexes
In the absence of parents ‘ experience in solving such delicate problems, falling in love often causes strong emotions and conflicts. Communication with the opposite sex is significantly complicated by spikes in sex hormones.
Competition for the attention of the opposite sex
Rupture of relations
Parents ‘ protest against the chosen one
If your teen is in love, then support him. Be an attentive listener. In your statements, show tact and respect for his experiences. Warn them against the consequences of early sexual relationships: explain that unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are frequent consequences of sexual contact. Tell your son or daughter how to avoid them. Parents of teenage boys should teach them respect for girls to prevent accusations of attempted rape.
Conflict between teenagers and teachers
Poor homework performance
Such conflicts often occur with students who have learning difficulties. There is an increase in conflicts when the teacher makes excessive demands on the teenager to learn the subject, and uses marks as a means of punishment for violation of discipline. Defending your point of view in response to the dominant position of the teacher – leads to conflicts. These situations often lead to the departure of capable, independent students from school, and the rest of them are less motivated to learn at all.