What to do if a teenager falls into a bad company-tips for parents
All parents strive to give their child the best. We want our child to get a good education, a prestigious job, and live a full and carefree life. But not everyone thinks that not everything depends on parents. Society has a great influence on all of us. Teenagers spend a third of their lives in school, and this is a huge part of it. And, in addition, the peculiarity of adolescence is that peers and friends come to the fore, and the opinion of parents becomes less important. The first step to growing up in everyone’s life is the ability to make good friends.
Every parent is afraid that the child will make the wrong friend. And it makes sense. No friend should interfere with personal development. But it is useless to forbid a teenager to be friends with someone. This will only alienate him from you. If this friend does not pose a threat to the moral or physical health of the teenager, it is better not to interfere in this relationship, and just watch from the side, sincerely interested in the Affairs of this friend. Then you will be aware of the situation. And phrases like ” well, what are you talking to him all the time! He does not learn/is not the best company for you/he has tattoos, etc.” – will only distance you from the child, and you will not know about anything at all.
The teenager chose a bad friend
Sometimes it is difficult for a teenager to understand how much the right person he has chosen as a friend. And here you can help. Try talking to your child and discuss a few questions with them, or ask them to answer them themselves
Questions about friendship for teenagers:
Is your friend extremely sensitive to criticism? Is it impossible for him to make a comment?
Is he always right? And if you’re not right-that’s it, you’re not his friend?
Does he blame others for his problems?
Is it hard for him to respect other people’s boundaries? Does he break them often ?
Can’t keep a secret? Haibara happened is that he told other people’s secrets?
Threatening to hurt himself when he can’t get his way?
Does it force you to do something?
If you can answer most of these questions in the affirmative, then we have bad news for you. This man is not a real friend. But do not get upset, and immediately end the relationship with him. Hint, or rather, tell your friend directly that sometimes he oversteps the boundaries-does not behave honestly towards others. If he doesn’t try to fix it, think about whether you need a friend. Think about whether you are friends with him because you are really interested and comfortable with him or for some other reason.
How can parents help ?
The most important thing is to show the teenager an example of a good, real friendship. These can be stories from your personal experience, movies about school friendships, books, or stories. Give examples in the format that is closer to your child
Remember that a bad friend is not the end of the world. And it’s not forever. The situation and interests will change – friends will change. However, the situation is worse with the presence of bad companies.
Son or daughter got into bad company
We all know, in addition, as we mentioned above, that teenagers are most often attracted to their peers. Children in their Teens are friends with companies that make decisions. The advice of friends in some matters is more important for them than their parents, and this is normal. Therefore, it is considered a terrible situation when a child falls into the so-called bad company. Here it absorbs the thoughts of not one person, but several at once.
Most often, the bad companies that children fall into have been formed for a long time. Everyone here is familiar and has similar opinions on a particular situation.
Which children usually end up in bad company?
Teenagers who are not completely confident in themselves are looking for confidence in the company, friends, and just peers. They require a strong shoulder and strong support. So that their opinion is supported by the majority opinion
Those who do not feel the love and support of their parents
It starts from childhood. Parents who did not give their children enough love, who did not support, did not show enough interest, are at risk of facing this problem the most. Children often look for everything that their parents did not give them in their peers. Namely, support. A simple example is a fight with a teacher. I got a bad grade. My parents scolded me. The company said: “Nothing! This is all bullshit! You’re still good!”Who do you think the child will tell about their problems next time? And we are not saying that bad grades should be praised ! But it is necessary to support and understand what is going on!
Teenagers with low self-esteem
These children are often afraid to become an object of ridicule, an outcast in the team –these are the main fears of teenagers. They are unable to give themselves a proper assessment, that is, by and large, they have little respect for themselves, and again-they require confirmation of their significance from the outside
Seeking a sense of security and stability
During adolescence, children often look for a company to join. They want to be part of something, just like everyone else. To be confident, to be strong, to have a foothold
Not fully formed
And these are just teenagers who do not know how to say the word “No”, are not old enough and confident in their actions. It is easier for them to rely on someone than to make their own personal decisions. Bad companies need these guys.
It is obvious how difficult it is when a person gets into bad company. This affects the internal values of the child, its development, and the priorities that are being formed. But you can’t always tell if your son or daughter has bad guys in their life.
How do you know that a child is in bad company?
Companies are not always bad, there are heavy teenagers.
If your child’s friends have colored hair, too bright makeup, a pierced nose or so, it does not necessarily mean that they are bad. At this age, teenagers just want to stand out, show that they are not like everyone else. But believe me, this phenomenon is temporary and in itself does not bring anything bad. It’s different when bad friends are really bad.
It is very important to create trusting relationships with teenagers from childhood. It is much easier when children are open, always tell what is happening at school, report any difficulties, troubles, problems. Then their stories may include some names or surnames, events that even indirectly indicate that the teenager is in the wrong hands. If there is no such trust between you, then it will be more difficult. But as a parent, you always feel when something goes wrong.
The main signs that a teenager has fallen into bad company:
Stops telling You anything, sharing news
He locks himself in a room and doesn’t come out for a long time
Refuses to call friends home
Often returns home drunk (!!!!!)
Bruises, scratches, cuts and other on the body
Doesn’t want to go to school
His testimony does not match – you feel that he is cheating
Often lies, even without a visible reason for it
Everything is very individual, in fact. It is not necessary that the child should have all the “symptoms”. These questions will simply help You pay attention to the child’s behavior and recognize that everything is really not good
Now that the parents have sorted out the signs, they are aware of the problem. And with it the question: “Why?»
So why does this happen?
There are many bad reasons and they are all different. Before you solve this problem, you need to study them all.
The teenager is afraid to be alone
Doesn’t want to be bullied – it’s easier to be like everyone else
Looking for parents in other people – you don’t give them support
He wants to look like an adult
A sense of community that may not exist in his family
Afraid of someone from the team
Strives to maintain good relations with everyone and be good for everyone
It is easy to take “on weakly»
This implies the first thing You should do to help get out of this situation.
How to get a teenager out?
This problem is very serious from the psychological side, so the first thing we should start with is a conversation. Frank and serious.
Create an environment in which it will be pleasant to talk. Perhaps wait for the right moment. Tell the teen that you are not going to scold or yell at them. Assure him that you want to help solve his problem, suggest something if necessary. Let him do the talking. If the conversation is not going well, or the mood is not right, try to start with safe questions. And first, tell me how you’re doing. HE shouldn’t feel like he’s being interrogated! When the conversation reaches your friends, don’t criticize them in any way. Try to find out the reason why the child communicates with them. Most likely, one of the nine reasons listed above will be important.
Now you need to think about what to do:
If a teenager is really afraid that no one will want to be friends with them anymore, ask them about their other classmates. It may be that very interesting children are “objectionable” to someone, which means they are outcasts.
If he doesn’t want to be bullied, find out if this can actually happen. Sometimes the best solution may be to change schools.
For your part, try to give more attention and support. Show that you are willing to listen, that You can be trusted.