Why does a child not want to tell their parents about their problems and school
I often notice that my classmates discuss with each other quarrels with their parents. They say that their mother or father scolds them, and because of this, they do not want to say anything to them. It’s better to share your problems with your friends than with your parents.
Reasons why a child does not tell their parents about their Affairs?
Not help, but scold
When parents often scold their children, they get used to being afraid to talk about problems. Think for yourself, and so bad, the child told his parents about it, and you still scolded, said that you are wrong and yourself to blame. Or they started teaching life, that is, telling you how to do it. Because of this, teenagers simply can not be Frank, and tell you what is happening in their lives. And then a habit is formed – it makes sense to share with your parents, if it doesn’t get easier. I’ll talk to my friend, and he’ll understand.
Watch yourself, your reaction, maybe there is something on your side that you just don’t notice. Or you just demand a lot of things that the child can’t do.
Parents don’t want to listen.
Let’s say a child is telling you about a situation. For example, about how it turned out that he got a bad grade in school. Saying that the teacher is biased it relates or interferes with a neighbor’s party, or class of offense, or he was tired and couldn’t remember things… And you do not even want to listen to him and start screaming, saying that this is bad, need to learn, instead of “going yard space»…
The parent is always right or “I know better how to live your life»
I don’t want to tell you anything, if you’re not mistaken a priori. If you have clear stable beliefs that you can’t give up in any way, it will be very difficult to communicate with a teenager. After all, in any situation, you will prove your point. You are right, and you know better than a child. At least it may not be true at all. And when you want to talk to your parents, it is important for us to discuss the situation, think together, and weigh different options. We want our opinions to be respected and taken seriously. We are not 5 years old!
How do I maintain a relationship with your child or achieve good communication?
First of all, I want to say that it is better not to bother teenagers with questions like “How are you? How was school? Are you all right?”. They are very annoying, and it is like a banal control, in which there is no interest at all in you and your personality. In response, you will get just “normal”, but not exactly a story about the child’s problems. And the terrible question “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”You just want to hide when you hear this…
In my personal experience, such questions will only make the situation worse.
What to do, how to establish contact with the child
Learn to listen to each other, to perceive him as a full-fledged interlocutor. If you can’t communicate with them at all and feel irritated, it’s better to keep silent than to insult them.
Pay more attention to your child, put everything aside and find the right moment to communicate. Try to become his friend! It’s possible, I tell you for sure!
Find out more about his Hobbies on the Internet and tell us some interesting facts about them. Surprise him! It will be pleasant and interesting for him to talk about these topics.
If a child has received a bad grade, do not scold him or tell him something bad. It is worth finding out what the reason for such estimates is. It may be the fault of the teacher who is very picky with the child or he just does not understand the subject matter. In any case, the child will appreciate that you try to understand him, and do not make all the decisions in advance.
Try to help – for example, tell them about a complex subject in a more accessible language. At the same time, remember how to learn, what your school years were like, and how you were a teenager. Then it will be easier to find a common language with the child.
This way, with small steps, you will achieve friendship and a more or less normal relationship with your child.
In fact, every child wants to tell something to their mother or father, to be friends with them, but does not know how to do it! Because we value the support of our parents and your assessment, no matter how strong and independent we may seem.
Personally, my mother and I have a good relationship. Of course, like everyone else, sometimes there are misunderstandings. But I am very grateful to her that she makes my life more interesting and better, that she is ready to listen, understand, advise, that she respects me and values my opinion.
Comment by Denis Vizer, a psychologist who leads training sessions at the center of K. O. T.
“According to children, it can be difficult for them to share problems with their parents. A common reason is that parents ask their child questions only for the sake of control. And teenagers do not like control, or rather, no one likes control at all, and the peculiarity of adolescence is that they do not accept control at all. “How are you doing with grades” – this is clearly not a heart – to – heart conversation… the Usual result of a controlling conversation, the child knows-you will either be scolded, or you will get a moral lesson. And if the child did not ask for any advice at all…? Are you already teaching?
In addition, the ability to share, tell, and discuss may not be developed in the family. If you don’t have a tradition of talking about your problems and communicating with your family, why should a child be able to do this? You need to learn to talk, and to talk about yourself, about problems-even more so. Start talking to your child about yourself, and start the conversation like this, and not with the phrase “how are you doing? Or like school? »
Denis Vizer, child psychologist
If you want to establish a relationship with your child, to become closer, you need to start with yourself. You already took the first step when you asked this question. Next – you need to see the reason why the child does not tell anything, look at yourself and your behavior from the outside, find the strength to admit what your mistake is. Learn to be really interested in the child, and not just control it. And recalculate the scheme of interaction in the family. It is not easy to do this, but it is possible.