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How to find a common language with a teenager

Probably the most common complaint of a teenager is “my parents don’t understand me”. In this article, our young author, Alina, will talk about how to find a common language with a teenager. Because who but the teenagers themselves can give the answer to this question.

It would seem that family – people who know you better than you, have lived with you all your life,and there is no kinder. But suddenly something happens, and as if at the click of your fingers you become strangers, as if you were not familiar at all. It’s just that the points of view of adults and children often do not coincide, and there is a misunderstanding and the very “conflict of generations” that is so often spoken about.

The child doesn’t want to do homework
How do I get him to study? Parents think …

Forcing them to do anything will not work. Forcing a teenager to do lessons can only instill in him hatred and disgust for this occupation, and at the same time get resentment for himself. Even if you manage to get him to learn, from now on he will not do it for himself, but for his parents, that is, from under the stick.
The phrases “well, I quickly sat down and did”, “let’s go through I don’t want”, “no word I want, there is a word I need” are absolutely useless here.
But it is also stupid to bribe a teenager, the age is no longer the same to force them to do their homework by luring them with candy or going to the cinema.
What should parents do?
It is necessary to ensure that the child wants to go and start studying. He somehow has a favorite subject, direction, theme. It is worth finding out – ask the teachers or directly what he likes, how he would like to develop further.

Then-study his favorite topic, even if not thoroughly, but you should be able to support the discussion. Make it clear that you are interested in what he is interested in.

Explain how important education is in our life to achieve results, show the real prospects that they will get with a good education, preferably not sky-high, in 20 years, but real, that is, now (trips Olympics, travel, kennels, etc.)

And, please, don’t have fatal results! Like, ” if you don’t do this job, it’s all…!”This is not true, but there is so much fear, anxiety and nerves!

One unfinished homework will not change a young person’s life dramatically, but it can affect the assessment – believe me, it is unpleasant enough to understand that the lessons are still better to do.

The main thing is to instill a love of learning and an awareness that this is not a waste of time. This should be done through the interests of the teenager, Your personal interest in the topic, its future, through discussion of goals and desires.

Responsibilities of a teenager in the family
Responsibilities help us learn to take responsibility for ourselves and faithfully fulfill orders, to be independent. It is really important for us to feel that we are needed in the family. Duties say that you are no longer a child and his family trusts you, entrusting serious cases.

But what if a teenager tries to avoid helping?
Here it is important to see the reason. Because in principle, most children of my age and absolutely normal attitude to the presence of responsibilities and the fact that they need to perform.

Maybe your child is very tired at school? Or just lazy? Quite possible. But I believe that the main reason for “adolescent laziness” is that parents simply do not explain how important and necessary his help is for them .

You know how nice it is when you do something meaningful, you are proud of and you get the praise you deserve!

How to talk to a teenager correctly
How you talk to us is very important for perception. The problem may lie even in the intonation – we understand the “subtext” very well»…

Common mistakes in this case are:

Conversation on the raised tones, the pronounced irritation – no comment there. Someone is nice when they scream at you.
The conversation is only for monitoring and only about errors
My mother comes home from work, her first question is what about the lessons. And then, not paying attention to good grades, she just scolds her son for unfinished homework and jokes.

Communication “in modern language…»
Every teenager knows exactly an adult who tries to look “like a youth”in every possible way. That’s just it turns out very bad. Probably, this eccentric is trying to find a common language with the child and will like the friends of the daughter or son. But it won’t work at all. Attempts to learn youth “slang” look ridiculous and stupid. I remember how my mother used the word “HYIP” without knowing its meaning and in absolutely any situation. This is ridiculous for a teenager’s friends. In addition, the child feels shame for such a “stylish, fashionable, and youth” parent, which is terrible and unacceptable.

If the common language in your family is important to you, listen to the album of his favorite artist, read the book. He will appreciate it, because you will be really interested in his life, and not try to infiltrate the world of teenagers in superficial ways.

Teen and Smoking
In my experience, I know how moms and dads worry about our bad habits. I can imagine the scale of the tragedy if a pack of cigarettes was found in my daughter’s backpack.

Why do teenagers smoke? When did the child pick up this terrible habit, and from whom?

If there are smokers in the house, the answer is obvious. Cigarettes are in the public domain, why not try it, if everything is fine with dad/mom, so tobacco is not so harmful.
If a child has picked up a bad habit from friends, then if possible, it is worth limiting communication with them. “Smoking” companies are not the best choice. Even I, a teenager, think so. The company is very important, it is difficult to resist and not be like everyone else. Although, and such friends I have.
You know, often a teenager smokes to impress his classmates, he does not have any dependence, and this activity is even unpleasant for him…
What should parents do?

Do not throw scandals, in any case, do not ask to smoke the entire kidney in front of them. This is TERRIBLE!!!

He must understand that he has disappointed you. This will help, because every teenager, including me, does not want to upset their parents, it is nice for them to be proud of them and lead as an example to the younger ones, brag about their achievements to their friends.

Explain, prove that you do not need to be like everyone else! He must understand that his opinion is valuable, that you respect it. Then it will be easier to give up cigarettes.

How to protect a teenager from bad company
Everyone my age is familiar with the situation when the house does not approve of communicating with someone. And sometimes they just forbid you to contact them. This causes only resentment. In simple terms, why does my mother control my life when I can already choose my own friends??

Recently, by my own example, I realized that to listen to their opinion about your friends, well, at least a little. My mother thought a good friend of mine was mean, and I refused to believe it. But I soon had to make sure that she was a liar. If I’d taken her advice and restricted my contact with her, I wouldn’t have gotten any worse.

If you don’t like your child’s friend, then:

You do not need to include the dictator after all, these are not your friends and you did not choose them.
Remember, your Directive interventions will become a “red rag”, and the teenager will begin to communicate with these people more than ever.
You need to get him to want to do it himself, but do not interfere directly in the relationship. Show the facts. Carefully, in a friendly way. Discuss these situations with the child.
Plotting against a bad company, forging postcards is mean and in most cases useless. And if it gets out, it will only get worse.
If you are sure that a friend is a bad influence, manipulates, or draws Your child into other people’s problems, just point it out.
In a case where it is obvious that you are being manipulated, the young man himself will break off relations with the “bad company” – no one wants to be fooled.
Do not try to protect your child from everything in the world, if he makes a mistake, it will be a good lesson.
What to do if the teen doesn’t listen
First, you should think about the authority of your words.

Maybe you talk and don’t do it? Threats and promises to “punish” or good promises?
A teenager can’t do everything all the time?
Or do you often change your mind, and in your language, “no” is not ” no ” at all?
If the child does not agree with some of the rules, then you need to compromise.

On the part of adults to make a relaxation will be the right decision. To resist and stand on your own, “I said and that’s all” is useless.
Then-to agree on General rules in which the child will comply with requests unconditionally – within the framework of the agreements reached.
If You are too strict, it interferes with a warm relationship and encourages protests. You can and should negotiate. This lets us know that you respect us and value our opinion.

What should I do to make a teenager listen?

A good tactic is to become a friend. Then advice and comments will not be perceived as reproaches. There are no secrets from a friend, and resentments quickly pass.
How to become a friend for a teenager?
Listen to their problems and take them seriously, give good advice. When a child shares their innermost secrets, do not discuss their problems over the phone and do not pay bills. Like, ” talk, talk, I’m listening…” Take your time! 15 minutes, but full!
Do not hesitate to say how much you love it, and your requests and comments will not be taken with hostility.
Try to notice the good, its victories, pay attention to the successes.
The failures and mistakes of a teenager also need to be discussed, but not in the wording ” Oh, you stupid!”or “I told you so!»
Directive submission causes a huge internal protest, so it is difficult to do something with yourself. It seems to understand that the parents are right and it is not necessary to break out, but it does not work.

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