Communication with a teenager-tips for parents
How to communicate with a teenager-tips from a psychologist
The question of how to communicate with teenagers is important to many parents. After all, these are no longer children, but not yet adults. How to find a common language with them, to agree, to be able to grow a real personality. Who better to tell how to communicate with adolescent children than they are?
Our young author, Elizabeth, 14 years old, shared her thoughts on this issue. And the coach of the center K. O. T. – their experience and practical recommendations for parents.
How to communicate with teenagers-first-hand opinion»
I think it’s no secret that communication is an important part of a person’s life. But in adolescence, communication is even more important.
What is “communication” for a teenager?
Before answering this question, let’s think about what teenagers expect from a conversation with their parents.
I, as a teenager, can say that for me communication is:
A tool for learning new things, getting knowledge;
Opportunity to share your observations and discuss interesting things;
The way of emotional support;
Help in decision making;
I also usually expect positive energy from a conversation.
It seems to me that adults expect the same from teenagers. However, problems still arise. There are often situations when the conversation does not meet expectations…
Why do you have problems communicating with a teenager?
He’s ” not ready!”- choose a time to talk.
Maybe a teenager is tired, offended by something, or he has his own problems – a deuce in class, a failed drawing, a quarrel with friends-believe me, at 15 years old, a teenager can also have many reasons for frustration. Then there is absolutely no desire to communicate with anyone, you want to digest your sadness in yourself, only then start talking.
An adult may also be tired, he may have difficulties at work, or he was upset by some incident that makes you want to withdraw into yourself.
In other words, it is important to choose the time to talk. And if you clearly see that the mood is not there, then postpone the conversation. Or at least ask if your interlocutor is ready to talk now.
Doesn’t know why to talk.
It is important to remember that a conversation can lift your mood, or help you get through a problem. And remind the other person about it. And gently. For example, ” Son, I know-sometimes I’m not in the mood to talk at all, I know. But often the conversation really helps. Let’s try to have a little chat?»
It also seems to me that if the child is already conscious and quite adult, you can talk openly, tell what is bothering you, and suggest a plan of action. And then ask the teenager to say that he is not satisfied and worried, and together come up with a plan.
It’s hard to start a conversation
You can ask the child to speak as if you are not there. It’s hard to get started, but it really helps! This will help you find out the reasons for the teenager’s sadness. And often after speaking out, the teenager will become less sad. The reason for sadness in reality may seem insignificant, or even be exhausted.
You feel like you’re being interrogated.
This happens when adults become very actively interested in you and try to start a conversation. In this format, it is difficult for your son or daughter to speak openly, to talk in General. Here is an option-to play the game. In turn, first the parent, then the teenager, to name what you are upset or annoyed.
Communicating with your child every day
We spoke above about Frank, deep conversations that are very important for me, for example. But these conversations don’t happen every day.
Respect is the key to good relationships.
In everyday communication, so that there are no problems, the teenager and all family members need to establish a law: respect others – do not be rude, do not interrupt, do not interfere in someone else’s conversation. This is quite simple to follow, while communicating will become easier and more pleasant. And you don’t have to make comments to each other. It is also important that this rule is observed by both parties. That is, you can’t interrupt a child’s conversation with a friend by suddenly appearing, just as a teenager should not distract you from a conversation on the phone.
15 Minutes for ” free communication»
Every day for 15 minutes to talk “about the weather – about nature” that is, about abstract topics, such as, indeed, the weather. Say whatever comes into your head. About politics, books, movies, or birds. In these agreed 15 minutes, all the rules are canceled – speak as you want, when you want, and about what you want. You can tell a teenager stories from your childhood, tell about the most boring movie or the saddest book, about the best vacation and the strangest thing you did, about the kindest friend or the game that you always lost. And you, in turn, will find out what is happening in your child’s life. Monsters of what color he is afraid of, which leaves he likes best, which hares, in his opinion, are the kindest. Tell the child that at this time he can swear, and shout, something offended mumble, and when the reserves of his resentment and anger come to an end, he will find out what the secret password was in childhood in the games of his mother, where there was a secret headquarters of his father. Tell your child that if they are offended by you, do not hesitate to say it in those cherished 15 minutes. And after a possible angry tirade, start a very ordinary conversation, tell something from your childhood that irritated and angered you then. Let these moments be moments of revelation, let none of you be shy to talk about your feelings and feelings.
This will help, in my experience, your child to believe that you are a person, which means that talking to you will not be so scary.
Rules for improving communication between parents and their teenage children:
Don’t be rude or interrupt
Do not compare your child with others (this is very unpleasant to hear when it turns out that some other person is better than you, and even your mom and dad admit it. Like they say you’re not good enough.)
Don’t raise your tone
If we are talking about an idea or a work, do not go to the person.
Some time a day (preferably regularly) to say whatever you want.
You can introduce a tradition – instead of books and phones at lunch to tell each other stories. At the same time, the phones should be far away, and preferably disconnected. This trains you not to interrupt, listen carefully, and develops your speaking skills.
This short list of agreements helps to improve family relationships and learn new things about each other.
A cure for sadness or what to do if just communicating is not enough ?…
However, there are situations when just talking is too little, or it is impossible (for example, due to a sore throat). Then the question arises – can we replace the conversation with something? My answer is Yes, you can.
But seriously, here it is, the best cure for sadness-hugs.
This medicine is universal, it helps both from a bad mood, and from resentment, but not completely, resentment is treated only by talking, and from disagreements.
What else can help?
Cute notes, photos, hearts or just gifts from the heart will also help to cure the aforementioned ailments.
Laughter is one of the best medicines! Often a funny joke provokes laughter even from people with a sore throat, even from people who are very offended with each other.
You can replace conversations, but not entirely, with jokes, joint activities, or Hobbies.
To sum up, I want to remember what communication is, I wrote about this at the beginning of the article. And add that this is a way of learning new things not only in the world around us, but also in relation to other people. This is a way to make relationships warmer, happier, and bring a spark of laughter and fervor to them.
What will you add to this definition?
How to communicate with a teenager: 6 tips from a psychologist
1. Do not try to constantly control it – it is important to give independence.
Often, when raising a child, they try to keep track of everything, check everything. By adolescence, children can control a lot themselves. If you feel that your child can’t do this, you should pay more attention to developing a sense of responsibility, rather than total control.
2. Be interesting to yourself and him, love yourself, talk about yourself
If a parent has diverse interests, they have something to talk about, and it is much more interesting to communicate with them. If he tells stories from life, about his childhood, cases at work – it’s interesting to listen!
3. Don’t rate.
Do not always tell the child “what is good and what is bad”. Moreover, it does not matter how old your child is. Learn to just “chat”, communicate, and laugh. Talking to a child is not always parenting.
4. Learn to listen.
Parents often ask us why teenagers don’t tell them anything. In fact, they do. And about what they are interested in, and about their desires. But you often deny or condemn what is close to teenagers. Are you familiar with the phrases “this is all nonsense” or “would you do something useful”?
5. Do not deny the feelings and emotions of a teenager.
He feels what he feels. He doesn’t need to be persuaded. Just listen, don’t evaluate, support. Do not say “don’t be afraid of the exam”, “where are you tired – all day you did nothing”, etc.Moreover, this does not mean that you need to let everything go. But you can ask for help in another way: “I understand that you are tired. But so am I. Let’s get together now …»
6. Love and give a sense of security.
He needs to know that mom and dad love him. Homes are waiting. Always, no matter what happens. He has a reliable back-up and support.