Conflicts between parents and children
Conflicts between parents and children are always very unpleasant. They often create a tense atmosphere at home, lead to long-term resentment and deterioration of family relations. In this article, we will look at the most common causes of conflicts between parents and teenagers. You will learn why the conflict occurs and how to behave in this situation. Also, our psychologist, Natalia Lomilina, will give practical advice on how to develop independence in the child and teach him to do homework to cope with homework without unnecessary reminders, while not quarreling and maintain good relations with your favorite child.
Why do children have conflicts with their parents?
Any conflict is a clash of interests. The most common causes of conflicts between parents and children are the following.
The child wants to get more freedom, become independent, and parents restrict this. On their part, there is a lot of control, which is quite unpleasant to the child.
Parents are busy, and the child wants to get more attention. Moreover, sometimes even he does not understand this, but then there are any ways to attract this attention.
The parent knows exactly what the child should do, who to be friends with, what to do, but the child does not agree. A teenager wants to manage his own time, choose a social circle. And attempts by adults to intervene are perceived aggressively.
Of course, conflicts between parents and children occur for other reasons. The most interesting thing is that if you look more closely at the reason for the current situation, you can find a lot of common interests for the parties in it. This is an effective way to resolve conflicts.
We develop independence, learn to do homework, and maintain good relationships
Natalia Lomilina, a child psychologist at the center, Will tell you how to solve this difficult problem.
Many parents dream of their child being responsible and coping with their homework. Easy to say, but not easy to do.
After all, when you think about it, different reasons come to mind why it is not yet time for him to become independent.
There are many dangers in the world, so how can it cope?
There is a big workload at school, he will definitely forget something or not be able to!
He is in poor health…
And much more… What is your answer to the question “why can’t a child be independent?»
Often some of these points are true. But if you do not teach a child to be responsible for themselves, they will never learn it… and the most interesting thing is that children themselves want to become independent. This means that your desire and your child’s desire are the same, it only remains to understand each other correctly and take steps in the right direction.
Let’s look at the situation on the example of a student doing homework.
In primary school, children often enjoy doing lessons with their parents, and get good grades. And, at first, everyone is happy. Closer to high school, the situation changes dramatically. The presence of a parent when completing homework causes the teenager to protest. Or he does not want to do the lessons in such a situation.
And parents, in turn, and themselves by this time are already tired of controlling their child’s homework. “Ah how many can be, big already!!!”- my mother thinks, once again forcing the student to do their homework. This is the reason for conflicts between parents and their children.
If you don’t train your muscles, they won’t be strong, will they? It is the same with lessons, with learning at school, the development of independence, the ability to follow the rules and organize your time.
You can do everything for the child. As a result, you will develop confidence in him that he will not cope, will do badly. Or you can teach them to cope with difficulties, solve problems, make mistakes, and seek help if necessary.
Here are the rules that will help train your child’s” independence muscles”.
Create a friendly communication in the family without stress and tension – nothing fatal is happening right now, even if your son or daughter brought 2 ku, was late for school or forgot about the section. Make it so that it is normal to discuss mistakes and mistakes in the family. At the same time, do not reprimand the child, but rather tell them about how this happened in your life and how you solved the issue. Think about the reasons and what you can do to prevent this from happening in the future.
Organize a daily routine that will be repeated from day to day. Discuss it with the child, say the rules – what follows what. When he is studying, resting, playing games, communicating with friends, when you spend time with him together. If they have any suggestions or comments, please take them into account
Take the position of assistant, support, not supervisor.
If there are difficult moments in the mode (for example, an independent rise in the morning), together figure out how to work out this moment (who will start to set the alarm, for what time, will there be a repeat of the signal, someone will insure if they still did not hear the call, etc.)
A few rules for developing responsibility that parents need to know about:
It is good if the child takes part in the discussion of important issues for him – this is the basis of goal-setting, motivation and responsibility.
To maintain a harmonious family environment and avoid unnecessary conflicts, it is better to shift training to a neutral object – a teacher or tutor. Question – do you need it? Teaches-the teacher, learns-the child. What have you got to do with it?” Parents should not assume the role of teacher. You already have a very important role in your child’s life. If the roles are correctly assigned, there will be less room for quarrels at home, and the child will later learn responsibility when performing tasks in front of the people who teach him.
It is important to periodically remind yourself for whom the child is learning. If for himself, then he is responsible for his studies to the teachers and to himself. If for you, and you are responsible for this process to the teacher, it is unlikely that the child will become responsible for it.
School is a stage in a person’s life, and a good platform for children to prepare for this very life. Allow your child to pass this stage and get the necessary skills.»