What to do if the child does not want to help their parents around the house
A child does not want to help their parents at home: 5 tips from a psychologist
Why do you need children to help?
Help your mother-she is tired and wants to reduce the load by distributing responsibilities among all family members.
Fostering independence – in the future, a child who likes to help around the house is likely to be able to easily take care of themselves.
Increasing self-esteem-younger family members should be involved in household tasks so that they can feel their importance. Helping around the house, they feel their contribution to the life of the family.
How do parents “prevent” children from helping them?
Often adults themselves do not notice how they hinder the initiative of their children..
“I will do everything myself” – it is easier and faster for my mother to solve all the issues herself than to explain the tactics of actions, correct his mistakes, and then redo what was done.
“You’re doing everything wrong!”- another gross mistake of adults-to scold for “unsuccessful” attempts to help. Moreover, it is not just about punishment specifically. If you show how badly the child did that spilled milk, trying to clear the table, he will be very upset. And next time, the children will not want to help at all, so as not to upset their mother.
Remember, without trial and error, the child will not learn anything! It depends on you what attitude to cleaning is formed in children. It is better to demonstrate to your child from the earliest years that homework is an exciting and easy task.
Why doesn’t the child help mom and dad?
First, you need to analyze the reasons why children do not help:
Lifestyle. When mom and dad do not clean their own things in the closet, leave dirty dishes on the table, their behavior is not the best way to reflect on the children.
The house is dirty. Where it is not cleaned and uncomfortable, the baby does not want to put things in order.
Lack of mutual assistance. It is important to support each other, and we need to teach our children to do this by example. Family members must have things to do together.
Unequal distribution of responsibilities. Dad and mom have a very different number of things to do around the house. Mom does everything, dad does nothing, or Vice versa. Then the child thinks: “it’s probably right that mom does everything!»
A sense of guilt or pity. The mother and father do not dare to involve their child in the work, because they feel guilty before him for some reason, or just feel sorry for him, because he is small, or sent away.
Lack of approval. The child does not show initiative when the parents do not praise him for his work.
Force. Adults are forced to perform household chores in a rude tone.
Punishment by household chores. Help is used as punishment. Got a bad rating-wash the apartment!
How to develop children’s interest in cleaning in preschoolers
For children of this age, everyday Affairs should be interesting and fun. Instead of restrictions, you should allow the little one to perform simple tasks. For example, instead of driving the baby away from the washing machine, you can explain to him why these buttons and offer to press the necessary ones to start the machine. And at lunch together, peel the eggs from the shell and arrange the sausage on sandwiches. Try to maintain as much as possible the child’s interest and attitude to household help as a game, so that this feeling is fixed in the child. Allow mistakes to be made. Creative attitude of mom and dad to child labor will help solve the issue.
Here are some creative ways to encourage children to put things in order:
Imagine the cleaning process in the form of a game-give the task to clean the apartment from “space debris”, play in a cafe and clean the dishes from the table together.
Give him an interesting “role” – unobtrusively offer the kid to become a police officer who finds lost toys and puts them in their place.
Arrange a competition – you can offer to turn on the stopwatch and check who will make a sandwich faster-mother or daughter.
Come up with a reward – for example, a prize for help. You can use candy, toys, a favorite magazine, or a trip to the cinema.
Avoid routine – use the original cleaning equipment. For example, the trunk of a child’s car for garbage collection.
Tell interesting stories – watering plants can be combined with information about why the flower needs water, how it blooms and why it dies.
How to teach a teenager to help?
You can not give him direct instructions and tasks, or indicate specific responsibilities. The task of an adult is to evoke initiative, not to burden it with tedious and aggressive instructions. It is better to do household chores together with children, communicating during the cleaning process.
Remember that this is no longer a child-the game will no longer be effective.
Communicate – with children of this age, you need to discuss their thoughts, desires and plans.
Respect – it is important to listen to his position, be unobtrusive in requests.
The adolescent child should be gently pushed to think about why mutual help is needed. It is not necessary that heart-to-heart conversations with occur too often. The main thing is that such a dialogue is remembered and has value for the teenager. It is enough to want to find at least 2 hours a week to talk with your growing son or daughter.
Agree-on the time and amount of help-when it is convenient for him to clean and what work he is responsible for.
Arrange “family councils” – it is recommended to allocate an hour or two in a few days to discuss household matters. Here adults and children can negotiate, talk about their desires, problems and plans, and discuss current issues.
Practical recommendations for parents
For a daughter or son to want to help their parents participate in homework, it is not enough to simply involve them in this activity. It is important for adults to learn how to respond correctly to the actions of younger family members. The Central role is played by support, care, attention, positive example and love in the family.
Practical recommendations for children to help their parents:
Confession. Children need to hear, what changes are the result of their actions. You need a clear example of how the state of a house or apartment changes due to the actions of younger family members.
It is important to notice the work. Even the smallest help should be appreciated and noticed. The gratitude expressed by adults for help is a significant point. State the facts: “thank you for making such delicious sandwiches”, “you made the bed very carefully today”, etc.
Show that you need help and support from your child. Let the baby did a very small act for you – it must be exaggerated, evaluated as something very important and significant.
Do not over-praise. Mark the help, but you will be adequate. At this age, the student already assesses the situation well, and it is important for him to receive the deserved praise.
Make any homework fun. To do this, adults themselves should learn to treat household duties as something natural and easy. Household chores should be easy and fun.
Find a job on the farm that the child would like. Ask him what he likes to do. This can be taking care of your own plant or growing fruit. The activity should arouse interest and enthusiasm.
Raising a child is primarily about educating yourself. Before adults engage in education, it is worth looking at yourself-first analyze your attitude to work and household Affairs. And also tune in to the positive – love for your child and humor solve many problems. Your loyal helpers in educating a responsible attitude to household Affairs-the absence of judgments and complaints-the child will not behave better when he hears constant criticism, arguments, and observes a negative example of adults from the outside. And creating comfort – the house should have a friendly atmosphere every day, warmth in the relationship between all family members.
How do I find suitable homework for my child?
Exclude the servile character.
For example, a child can be asked to help his father fix the table not as an errand boy, but in an important role, assistant and adviser. To rely on the interests. When all family members are engaged in useful activities in the house, it is easier for children to get involved in household work.
Responsibilities should be distributed in accordance with fairness and physical strength.
Do not leave the most unpleasant and boring things to your child, even if you think they are the simplest. Give the right to make a mistake. You can not insist on perfectly correct performance of the work and point to a list of shortcomings, mistakes of the child. Taking into account physical strength and expanding opportunities is an important component. For example, when a child is 2-3 years old, they can put their toys away, put their clothes in the Laundry basket,but they can’t make their own dinner or make their own bed. From the age of six or seven, children can sweep, set the table, and cook. And so on.
It is important to develop and expand the area of responsibility, and with it the freedom of action, trust in the child from adults.
How to ask children for help?
A minimum of requests. It is enough to discuss with them a couple of times what he can and would like to take on from household chores and create agreements.
Show confidence that they will cope with their chosen responsibilities.
To show how it is necessary-any upbringing is based on a clear example of mom and dad, on joint activities and friendly conversations. The younger generation does not take seriously the complaints of adults: “you must”, “it is necessary”, etc.
What is a “schedule of household chores”?
You can create a schedule for all family members on a leaf and attach it to the refrigerator. The list should be compiled by all family members together – let everyone choose their own responsibilities. The schedule should be agreed and everyone should be happy with it. This list will guide children – you don’t need to remind them of anything else. Download an example of a cleaning schedule.