What to do if the teen doesn’t listen
Of course, we asked our young authors about the reasons for this problem – who but they can tell us why teenagers do not listen and advise what to do about it! And our expert psychologists have prepared practical recommendations for you to solve the problem.
Opinion of Elizabeth, our young author (13 years old)
In General, the fact that a teenager does not listen is not uncommon. This leads to conflicts and disputes. And parents may well have a question – what to do with disobedience?
I, as a teenager, tried to pick up tips that, in my opinion, will be the most effective solutions to the problem.
What should parents do if a teenager does not obey?
The easiest and most difficult way is to talk.
A simple conversation can solve a lot. In the dialog, you can find out what caused the disobedience. Most likely, there will be several reasons. For example, a teenager refuses to help their parents with household chores because of resentment, fatigue, or banal laziness.To work with the cause of a behavior, you must first learn about it.
Only when you understand the reason, please do not devalue it and do not say that it is ” NOT IMPORTANT!!! WHAT ARE YOU TIRED OF?!”Accept it as a fact. Then you’ll figure out where it came from! First of all UNDERSTAND.
Try to put yourself in the child’s shoes.
My son refuses to go to school? Perhaps you didn’t want to learn at his age, either. Does your daughter Wake up early in the morning? Perhaps you will be bored in her place.
“Without leaving the image”, think about how you would solve this problem for yourself?
Your son doesn’t want to study? Perhaps his school has too high a level of teaching, and he just can’t understand the topic. The solution may be to transfer to another school or to home schooling. Is your daughter bored in the morning? Ask her what she would like to do, and prepare everything for her, perhaps, a new hobby. Didn’t work? Try again with a different hobby. Or, it may be that your daughter does not have enough of your attention – then try to talk more during the day, talk about her interests and talk about yourself.
The last step is to have another conversation.
About how you can change the way of life so that everyone is comfortable. Here are possible solutions for the examples I gave above. In the case of a boy, it is necessary to discuss the solution of the problem with him, offer options, take into account his wishes. For example, resistance to transfer to another school due to loss of contact with classmates – do not insist on your own contrary to the opinion of a teenager. With a daughter, you can just suggest a new hobby and explain why it is better to do it, rather than Wake up your mother.
Possible reasons why the teenager does not listen and options for their solutions.
Oddly enough, my first role in disobedience is played by laziness. After all, when you are lazy, and you are forced to, any desire disappears, and you only want to snap at your parents to get behind you. That’s aggressive behavior… the Decision is to agree on the deadline for fulfilling the request after the refusal. Respect your child’s personal time – ask when he is ready to fulfill your requests, agree, perhaps, that at certain hours he will not perform work, this is his legitimate time of rest, when no one touches him. .
Stubbornness is only a consequence, and the reason is a quarrel, a desire to act contrary to parents. In this case, it is necessary to talk peacefully without resentment and try to understand each other, putting yourself in the place of the interlocutor.
In this case, you can safely wait until the teen has a rest. Or – more fundamentally-understand the origins of fatigue. This may be excessive workload, accumulated fatigue, or the need for a longer rest. If you are busy, remove several regular tasks or circles to facilitate the working week. If fatigue has accumulated, just give it a rest. If you need more to relax some of the pressure off the schedule.
Quick tips for teenagers-how to stop fighting with their parents?
Let your child read this article, perhaps they will see the reasons for your quarrels, or reading it will lead you to a Frank conversation, and you will learn more about each other. In any case, these tips will be useful to every child – I know it for sure!
Talk more often about your feelings, as well as about fatigue or laziness, if there are any
Create a schedule of responsibilities for the home for children and parents to avoid uneven distribution of responsibilities.
You know, for us teenagers, it is very important that the responsibilities are distributed “fairly”. This may not be very true from the point of view of adults, but we really want to be full and full members of the family.
Put up with your parents faster – they love you, and they try for you and for your sake!
Just put yourself in the other’s place, even if hypothetically-already a victory and a step towards understanding! If you imagine yourself as your mother, you can look at your own behavior differently.
Sometimes to overcome yourself.
When adults ask you for something, they really need your help. Getting up from the sofa and throwing out garbage, even if you are lazy, is the best way to avoid unnecessary conflicts at home. Checked:))
Quick tips for parents – how to establish relationships with children?
Talk to your child about it more often.
It’s always nice when people are interested in you and want to know more about you.
Take his place.
Everyone was once a child, and adults can remember their childhood, behavior, their “nehochuchki”, so you can, though occasionally, take the place of a child, and perhaps you will understand it much better than even a conversation. Sometimes compromise or even give in. After a hard school day, the child may not have the strength to wash dishes or sweep the floors. If in this case you sometimes do the work for him then this is great! After all, it is so nice to be pitied and carefully treated that you are tired.
After all, if you love them (and this is so), it will be easier for you to agree and the child, feeling your love, will try to compromise and help you in everything)) I hope that my article will help you no longer argue about “I want-I don’t want” and avoid disobedience and better understand each other!